Rare moment. Both sweeties are sleeping. Soundly. Well- at least until Isaaq wakes up and finds himself starving because he hasn't eaten in an hour and a half. Little squirt loves his milk. This unusual moment is affording me a bit of time to think and write about the two little blessings in my life, and how they challenge me, more than I'd ever imagined.
Being a mommy is no easy task. Seth has been out on a village trip for the past two days now so I've been on my own caring for little Eden and Isaaq. Isaaq is a very sweet mellow little baby. He's almost 7 weeks old now and growing like a little weed. He doesn't spit up much, is content to be held or to lay in his carseat (though prefers the former:), has a solid appetite, and doesn't even mind tummy time. He usually wakes about two times during the night for some food, though sometimes he only wakes up once- nice. He's a professional breastfeeder and doesn't like a dirty/wet diaper (funny because his big sister Eden didn't care in the slightest if her diaper was wet at this age). Yesterday, he smiled at me for the first time. What was I doing you ask? Standing on the bed holding a broomstick handle and my hubby's shoe, trying to catch the mouse that had run into our room. I hate mice. Maybe I should say that again- I hate mice. Sure, punk mouse would know that my husband was gone and that this would be an opportune time to give me a scare. Isaaq was all eyes at the sight of him mommy leaping all over the bed to get at the mouse running around on the floor. Needless to say, I must have been a sight- good thing to smile about:) Big sister Eden was sleeping peacefully in her room, though I'm sure if she was awake she would have jumped at the chance to 'help' with the mouse or protect her little brother from the ferocious mouse. Now I think I know why my Poppers always says that his four older sisters taught him to be tough- Isaaq will also have to be pretty tough as big sister Eden (though she tries very hard) still hasn't quite figured out how to be gentle. Maybe all two year olds are like this. I don't know.
Eden has adjusted very well to being a big sister. She loves her little brother like crazy and is always touching/playing with him or bringing him toys to enjoy. I think these pasy few days have been a little hard on her as she's had to share Mommy with Isaaq and Daddy isn't around to give her attentio
n. She loves to help as she's able and I'm just amazed at the things she knows. Yesterday she was eating a Clementime and picked up the peel and put it in the garbage can all by herself. She also loves to help in the kitchen by setting the table, sifting flour, or stirring whatever tasty treat I happen to be making. We've also been learning a lot about discipline. A lot. Both of us. For the past two days, for some reason, staying out of the area behind our TV cabinet has been very difficult for her. Last night, she'd pulled out one of our DVD cases and pulled out all the DVD's. Earlier, she'd done this twice before, and both times had gotten disciplined for it. This time, when she saw me walk into the room, she got up and went straight to time out. She knew she was in trouble. This morning she again, got out the DVD's. When I came into the room, she pointed to the DVD's and said, "No" and walked over to timeout. So, she knew it was wrong, but didn't resist the temptation and played with them anyways. Why does she do this? Though I can't completely know, I think its because she knows I'll forgive her. Which makes me rethink how I'm disciplining her because apparently, she's not getting the point. My forgiveness for her does not mean that it is ok for her to act like this. Also makes me think about when I'm disciplined. Living where we do has afforded me the opportunity to look at the US as a bit of an outsider. And I see something that I think saddens the heart of our Father- sin and a culturally casual permissiveness of sin. Instead of calling sinful actions sin- separation from the Father, we (myself included) kind of skip over the sinful action and focus right on the grace. Now, I'm not saying that we should forget about grace, certainly not, that has an integral role. But what I am saying is- what about discipline? If my daughter is disobedient is it in her best interests for me to say, "Eden, I know you like playing behind the TV, and I know its a little dangerous, and I don't like it but, that's OK, I love you anyways." and send her off on her way, will she play behind the TV again? Yep, absolutely. Yet, I think this is how many of us see the Father. When we sin whether it is gossiping, lying, cheating, premarital sex, selfishness, drunkenness, or whatever, I think our culture too often says, "Yes, its bad, but God forgives you." and we go off and do it again. I don't think this is pleasing in the Father's eyes, and is using the Father's generous forgiveness as an excuse for whatever sinful temptation is crossing one's path. There's been many times in my life that I've been able to see the Lord's discipline in vibrant ways in my life (often through the love of those around me). Why does he do this? Because he loves me, and doesn't want to see me get hurt. Why do I discipline Eden? Because I love her and don't want her to get hurt. When my husband sees that I'm thinking/speaking in a way that is not honoring to the Father, he tells me. Though I may be hurt by it at the time, I know its because he loves me and wants the best for my heart. I hear of stories of parents who don't want to discipline their children because they want their child to be happy (constantly hearing here where we live). Yes, its not easy. Does my heart break every time I have to get after Eden for what shes done? Yes. But, am I going to stop disciplining her? No? Why? Because I just love her too much. So dear friends, if at some point you see me walking in harms way, would you pull me aside and say, "Hey, lets think about this... because I care about you too much to let you continue in this path." Wow. If someone came to you and said this to you, how would you respond? With anger and flying fists (as is currently true with my sweet two year old:) or a lassiez-faire attitute and walk straight back into the buzzing super highway of sin? Or with a humble and contrite heart? I'd like to say that I'd respond with the latter, but I know from past experience too often it has been the former. But I'm grateful, that my response didn't stop the Father or those who loved me to stop trying. This is grace, on the deepest level isn't it? Some would say this is love, which does play an important role in it, but grace brings different element to the table because in order for grace to be what it is, one must acknowledge one's need for grace- the presence of sin and the hating of it presence so much that one is desperate to cast it away- to be forgiven. Is grace one step deeper than love? Grace that forgives and forgives and forgives even when the other kicks and screams, pledges silence (I remember doing that as a kid, "I'm never going to speak to you again!"), or spreads lies because of your concern. Grace that is there to say, "I forgive you and I love you" when the storm has calmed, however long that storm has lasted. Sometimes I think we'd just like to hop over the storm, because its easier. But like my husband too often (wisely) reminds me, "Easier isn't always, better." Stink.
n. She loves to help as she's able and I'm just amazed at the things she knows. Yesterday she was eating a Clementime and picked up the peel and put it in the garbage can all by herself. She also loves to help in the kitchen by setting the table, sifting flour, or stirring whatever tasty treat I happen to be making. We've also been learning a lot about discipline. A lot. Both of us. For the past two days, for some reason, staying out of the area behind our TV cabinet has been very difficult for her. Last night, she'd pulled out one of our DVD cases and pulled out all the DVD's. Earlier, she'd done this twice before, and both times had gotten disciplined for it. This time, when she saw me walk into the room, she got up and went straight to time out. She knew she was in trouble. This morning she again, got out the DVD's. When I came into the room, she pointed to the DVD's and said, "No" and walked over to timeout. So, she knew it was wrong, but didn't resist the temptation and played with them anyways. Why does she do this? Though I can't completely know, I think its because she knows I'll forgive her. Which makes me rethink how I'm disciplining her because apparently, she's not getting the point. My forgiveness for her does not mean that it is ok for her to act like this. Also makes me think about when I'm disciplined. Living where we do has afforded me the opportunity to look at the US as a bit of an outsider. And I see something that I think saddens the heart of our Father- sin and a culturally casual permissiveness of sin. Instead of calling sinful actions sin- separation from the Father, we (myself included) kind of skip over the sinful action and focus right on the grace. Now, I'm not saying that we should forget about grace, certainly not, that has an integral role. But what I am saying is- what about discipline? If my daughter is disobedient is it in her best interests for me to say, "Eden, I know you like playing behind the TV, and I know its a little dangerous, and I don't like it but, that's OK, I love you anyways." and send her off on her way, will she play behind the TV again? Yep, absolutely. Yet, I think this is how many of us see the Father. When we sin whether it is gossiping, lying, cheating, premarital sex, selfishness, drunkenness, or whatever, I think our culture too often says, "Yes, its bad, but God forgives you." and we go off and do it again. I don't think this is pleasing in the Father's eyes, and is using the Father's generous forgiveness as an excuse for whatever sinful temptation is crossing one's path. There's been many times in my life that I've been able to see the Lord's discipline in vibrant ways in my life (often through the love of those around me). Why does he do this? Because he loves me, and doesn't want to see me get hurt. Why do I discipline Eden? Because I love her and don't want her to get hurt. When my husband sees that I'm thinking/speaking in a way that is not honoring to the Father, he tells me. Though I may be hurt by it at the time, I know its because he loves me and wants the best for my heart. I hear of stories of parents who don't want to discipline their children because they want their child to be happy (constantly hearing here where we live). Yes, its not easy. Does my heart break every time I have to get after Eden for what shes done? Yes. But, am I going to stop disciplining her? No? Why? Because I just love her too much. So dear friends, if at some point you see me walking in harms way, would you pull me aside and say, "Hey, lets think about this... because I care about you too much to let you continue in this path." Wow. If someone came to you and said this to you, how would you respond? With anger and flying fists (as is currently true with my sweet two year old:) or a lassiez-faire attitute and walk straight back into the buzzing super highway of sin? Or with a humble and contrite heart? I'd like to say that I'd respond with the latter, but I know from past experience too often it has been the former. But I'm grateful, that my response didn't stop the Father or those who loved me to stop trying. This is grace, on the deepest level isn't it? Some would say this is love, which does play an important role in it, but grace brings different element to the table because in order for grace to be what it is, one must acknowledge one's need for grace- the presence of sin and the hating of it presence so much that one is desperate to cast it away- to be forgiven. Is grace one step deeper than love? Grace that forgives and forgives and forgives even when the other kicks and screams, pledges silence (I remember doing that as a kid, "I'm never going to speak to you again!"), or spreads lies because of your concern. Grace that is there to say, "I forgive you and I love you" when the storm has calmed, however long that storm has lasted. Sometimes I think we'd just like to hop over the storm, because its easier. But like my husband too often (wisely) reminds me, "Easier isn't always, better." Stink. 
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