The eyes of my heart

I've been putting off writing for a while. Mostly because I'm not quite sure how to sort out everything going through my mind... not sure how to form cohesive thoughts, much less sentences. Our lives have been full, full with wonderful things and wonderful people, full of wonderings and wanderings, hearts full of joy and tears. Mothers Day is my favorite day of the year. My Mother's Day was filled with the three most beautiful children I ever could have dreamed of and my own mom. The best. Eden made me a lovely card, Isaaq gave me dandelions, and Atira... well she told me that I make the best milk in the whole world, in her humble opinion. Her language skills are just that stellar. A picnic lunch and roses also made their appearance that day, as well as a beautiful ride through the countryside. I'm so blessed  by my family.
The past few weeks have also been filled with doctors appointments. During our appointment with the urologist we heard the words "I think her kidneys are fine." Thank you Jesus. We just have to have a kidney ultrasound every six months or so to make sure everything is ok. Sweet sweet news.
Last week we got to meet with the neurologist who placed the shunt in our two day old daughter. He showed us pictures of her brain before the shunt was placed and pictures from two weeks ago. We're praising God for all the healing He's done in her. The neurologist said that she was a perfect example of exactly what they hope to see. Previously he thought that her basal ganglia was fused, but now he saw separation. The only abnormality he noted was that her thalamus was a little more "prominent" than normal. He also told us that there were absolutely no restrictions on her activity. He said she could even play American football if she wanted to (he has a friend who has a shunt and does).
And most recently, we met with a retina specialist, because of an unusual spot she has on each of her retinas. Our meeting with this very kind doctor confirmed what Seth and I were already suspecting. Our sweet baby girl likely does not have any central vision, which is generally where our best vision is. The doctors are expecting that she will have peripheral vision only, and will very likely be legally blind.
We'd been noticing, for a number of weeks now, that she doesn't seem to make eye contact with us and that when she does smile at us (which she does often:) it's when she's looking at us out of the corner of her eye. I think I knew in my heart that this was a possibility, it was still hard to hear the news. Yet, oddly enough, even in this terrible place that no parent wants to be in, we marveled, as we drove home, that in all that we've gone through with our sweet Atira, from not even knowing if she would survive in-utero, to potentially huge heart deformities yielding months of major surgeries, to now- where our main concern is with her eyes, just how far we've come.  And while my heart breaks, knowing of the challenges that lie ahead for our sweet daughter, it just seems so small, so minor.
I know there's deep good wonderful hard lessons that the Father is teaching me through this little girl. How I cherish holding her, reaching out at night to place my hand on her, feeling her little chest rise and fall with each breath, sweet reminder of life.