Celebration of one year! (a much delayed post:)

She sits on my lap and grins. Reaches up with her little tights fists, cusps my cheeks with her hands, squealing with delight she showers me with kisses. I hold her in my arms and my heart is light. Over a year now she's been with us. I'd remembered wondering if we'd get to share this day with her. I hold her close and think of all the mothers whose arms are now empty, aching to hold. I remembered wondering if with this little one I might be among them. I remember that hard awful day in October, when I heard our doctor's quiet slow words as he watched those fuzzy images of our daughter on the screen, I'm seeing some severe abnormalities. I remembered the hazy days, weeks, and months that followed. I remembered looking for a journal, to commerate that little already life growing inside as I'd done two and four years earlier. Looking through the flowery journals, embellished with words like 'love' and 'faith' and 'rejoice'; rejoicing was the last thing I wanted to do.  I was looking for something more poetic scribbled across the front. Something lovely like 'When life just sucks'. But, alas, I couldn't find any journals such as these so, as an act of faith and proclamation that though my heart was faint and my body weak with grief, I would rejoice if not at that moment then someday.

Rejoice- to be glad, to take delight in.
I remember holding her for the first time on that day she was brought into the world. She was beautiful, heavenly adorned. I remember stroking her sweet head and wishing my tears would wash her troubles away. Wishing I could bear this burden of hers. I have to think that that was how Him above considered me. He already bore those burdens on that hard awful day. He bore such a weight that I wouldn't have struggle underneath its weight. I think of all the real ways He took that weight off my shoulders through all those who rejoiced in us during that gray time. For those who were glad in us, who made meals for our loved ones, who listened to our aches, who brought frappuccinos and scones for us in the hospital, who gave life to our Eden and Isaaq by feeding and loving them while their parents watched the life of their little sister, for those who were glad in us by praying for us. His arms powerful and strong through His body. You are deeply appreciated, and overlooked. Thank you for journeying with us over this past year. We love you.