Sometimes, I like to pretend. Tonight as I was hovering over my little two burner stove I was thinking about what the Top Chef judges would say about my supper, which for those of you who are interested was homemade apple cinnamon oatmeal with homemade pancake syrup (a recipe which I made up in my head).

This is what I think our conversation would be like:

Judges: I'm curious Mommy Mully, why did you decide to make oatmeal for supper. The challenge was clearly for a supper dish. We were expecting something, ya know, supper-ish, like chicken cordon bleu, or braised pork loin, or veal, but oatmeal? Why did you choose oatmeal?
Mommy Mully: Well, tonight I choose oatmeal for a variety of reasons. One of them being that I love oatmeal and I usually don't cook it because it isn't nearly as pleasing to my husband's palate than it is to mine. I also wanted a dish that was soft and squishy in texture so that my son who only has two teeth could eat it too.
Judges: We see (they speak collectively). Why did you decide to shred the apples, rather than dice them?
Mommy Mully: I again did that for two reasons, one- so my son could also consume the meal and two: I couldn't find my knife.
Judges: Hmm. You couldn't find your knife (they're all thinking about sending me home)... Well, then. What happened to the apples? They were brown! Totally not-appetizing!
Mommy Mully: I was interrupted in the middle of apple preparation. Eden was desperately trying to share her teapot with Isaaq and Isaaq didn't want to have anything to do with her teapot, making him very upset. So, the apples didn't make it into the oatmeal as quickly as I'd have liked.
Judges: Ok. And what about the butter? You added a lot of butter. Don't you know butter is very bad for you and thousands of Americans are overweight because they eat too much butter?
Mommy Mully: I added the butter because I have to actually make sure my kids are getting enough fat in their diets. And Eden likes it, so sue me.
Judges: Ok, that's it! Enough of your attitude! You can pack your knives (or rather knife) and go home. If you can even find your knives/knife that is.

Yep, that's how it'd roll.