It's all about you

So, it'd been quite some time since I'd done any reading on the topic of boundaries... like a really long time, like 10 years or so. I'd understood the importance of physical boundaries in romantic relationships, but until recently, I don't think I'd realized the benefit of having emotional boundaries in other relationships as well. Boundaries basically say what you will or won't permit others to do, say to, or affect you.  I read, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Cloud and Townsend. It was a long, but insightful read. Sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking that I am obligated to do or say things because it's a kind or good thing to do. Or if we don't do what someone else wants us to do, we're not loving or serving as we're called to. But I'm learning that this isn't necessarily healthy, or is even the best way to truly love and serve others, because at the heart of everything we do and say, should be love.

For example, I had a friend stop by recently. She wanted me to give her money so her husband could go to the hospital because he was sick. I told her what I often tell people who come to me in this situation, "Let's go to the hospital together and I will help  with some of your expenses there." She became frustrated that I wouldn't just give her the money. She tried to think of various opportunities to shame me- look at your house (it's a normal house here), look at all your toys (my kids' toys- not mine), your language is really bad (not true)... etc. etc. She thought she should be able to tell me what I should do with my money. Normally, in the past, I would have felt guilty about turning her away and listening to that nagging voice in my head "She's right... your language is really bad... you should give her what she's wanting you have so much more than her."
I listened patiently to her, said a blessing over her, and gave her a can of powered milk, and she went on her way. I had to intentionally and consciously choose not to allow her words to affect how I felt about myself. The words she was speaking were lies. It hurt, but it reminded me, just because words are spoken, it doesn't mean they're true.
She was trying to control me, and what is mine to control. She, as many people do, did not understand there is a dividing line between her  and me, and was using manipulation to try move that dividing line.  But now, I'm working on truly remembering and living- that's her issue, it's not mine.
Not mine.
Not mine.
Not mine.