February 15

I've decided to diagnose myself with a little something I like to call "NICU Brain." Symptoms include: inability to remember conversations (especially with doctors and other important medical personnel), loss of ability to formulate rational thoughts or solve simple problems, random outbursts of emotion (generally unconnected to anything at all), complete inability to remember what day it is or what even happened that day, and a desire to drink chocolate milk all day.
Yep. I definitely have NICU brain.
Last night, I stayed at the Ronald McDonald house again. I walked into the door to our room and there were two huge boxes and two huge bags of valentines with "Eden" and "Isaaq" written on them. My heart was so thankful for these kind people who went through so much work to bless my children. This morning after arriving at the hospital (woot woot to my sisters who've been so great about helping me out with transport- I can't drive yet b/c of my C-section), we had our daily meeting with the neonatalogist and a meeting with our cardiologist. Her heart ultrasound again showed that she still has an atypical type of pulmonary hypertension, and they can't quite figure out why its there. Since none of the normal treatment options are seeming to help, our cardiologist recommended a cardiac catheterization. Unfortunately, the person who does the pediatric cardiac catheterization is doing a medical clinic in Mexico, and won't be back until a week from Monday. And, there are only two facilities in the state that do pediatric cardiac catheterizations- Mercy in Des Moines and U of Iowa. Rather than transferring to Iowa City, we felt it was best to wait it out, and continue with the nitric oxide over next week. It was disheartening to realize we'd likely be here for another week. Sigh. I know the Lord is teaching us something in this. I'm grateful for His patience with me, especially during those times when I'm just tired of learning, tired of growing, tired of being stretched. He is here with me, holding my heart, and wiping my tears away.
As odd as it sounds, He's blessing me beyond measure.
So many family members, loved ones, and friends near and far away have sent us messages of encouragement, prayed for us, and done crazy wonderful things for our family. These precious gifts have brought me to tears, more numerous than the tears I've shed for our sweet daughter's condition.
Holding her is a gift, a gift I had so often wondered which side of heaven I'd get to treasure. Stroking her soft face, admiring the handiwork of the skillful surgeon who so delicately placed the shunt in my daughter's head, watching her fall asleep in my arms. He is so good to me. So good.
The staff here at the NICU and Mercy have been incredible. I can't speak highly enough of their skills and compassion. Within hours after my C-section, while I was still lacked feeling in most of my body parts, caring nurses heaved me onto a bed, to take me up to the 4th floor to see our daugther, before taking me down to the Mama/Baby Recovery on the 2nd floor. They didn't have to do this, but they knew how badly I wanted to see her and be with her for a bit. This is just one example of many. They've been taking good care of us here.
And, I know Eden and Isaaq are in good hands. Very good hands. It's puts my heart at rest, knowing they're doing well. I can't wait until that sweet day when they get to meet their baby sister for the first time. Three sweet babies. Oh, how I look forward to having all three of them together (will also likely be the day that I lose my sanity- which probaby won't return for at least a few weeks after that day:)
Thank you Jesus for these gifts and so many more.
Today was a good day.